I was so underwhelmed by “Selfless, Brave and True” that I immediately deleted it from my DVR. Not on purpose, but still. I suppose I could rewatch it on OnDemand, but ABC doesn’t let you fast-forward, and I’m not willing to sit through everything (including commercials), so… pfft.
Perhaps the episode wasn’t that bad, but it left me unsatisfied. Not that I know what would have satisfied me, but it wasn’t that.
Rather than a trip to Fairy Tale Land, our alternate universe this week is 2011 Thailand. That’s where August, aka Pinocchio, is partaking in debauchery when his leg turns to wood. (It’s also when Emma came to Storybrooke and time started moving again. But I didn’t make that connection until I read Cindy McLennan’s recap.) He visits a mystic called “The Dragon” who can cure him in exchange for something dear to August. Oh, and $10,000 cash.
August doesn’t have the cash, but guess who does. Tamara! Yep, Neal’s fiance. She’s traveled to Thailand so that The Dragon can cure her of cancer. Except she doesn’t have cancer. Apparently she’s just really fascinated with magic. I’m bit confused about her motives. (This is where a rewatch might help, but I’m not inclined to sit through it again.) August steals her cash, and gets his magic elixir. Before he can take it, Tamara gets it back, then kills The Dragon with a stun gun. Huh? This makes no sense.
In present day, Snow White finds August, now completely (literally) wooden, in an abandoned trailer outside of Storybrooke. He won’t come into town, but she does let Marco (aka Gepetto) know his son is alive. Tamara, who just happens to be visiting Neal, overhears. She visits August in his trailer, saying she still has some of The Dragon’s magic potion back at her apartment in Manhattan. She offers it to August on the condition he never return to Storybrooke. August is on his way when he figures out Tamara is not a good guy.
August goes to the Storybrooke police station, which is uninhabited by either Sheriff Emma, Sheriff pro-tem David, or one-time deputy Ruby. He calls Emma to warn her, but Tamara find him at the station. She cuts the phone line, then “mortally stuns” August. August stumbles outside and dies on the sidewalk, surrounded by his father, Emma and others, including the Blue Fairy, aka, Mother Superior. Because his last act was “selfless, brave and true” (unlike the rest of August’s life in our world) the Blue Fairy makes him real once again. But now Pinocchio is a real little boy. Hopefully, they’ll get him out of his lederhosen soon. Worse, Pinocchio doesn’t remember what August was going to tell Emma.
Regina figures out Greg Mendel is really Owen Flynn. (Geez, even real people have dual identities on this show!) She tells him his father left town shortly after he did, but Greg/Owen knows she’s lying. We also learn the identity of the mysterious “her” on his cell phone. It’s… dun dun dun… Tamara. They have a quickie while Neal is in the shower.
Maybe I do know what would have satisfied me.
- Some clarity on why Tamara is so
interested inobsessed with magic. We know why Greg/Owen is, but not her.
- Keeping adult August around. Turning Pinocchio back into a little boy is a terrible waste of an interesting character. Actually, two characters. There could have been a gold mine of Marco/August angst.
- Death by something more lethal than a stun gun. Not once, but twice. Seriously??
- Not another villain. Don’t we have enough? Yeah, we got rid of Cora, but there’s still Regina. And Gold and Hook. And Spencer. And maybe even Greg. Enough!